Archive for September, 2007

by Kenrick Cleveland
There’s a psychological technique called gaslighting which is incredibly potent especially in persuasive situations.

A few nights ago I was watching TV, just flipping around aimlessly, and came upon an old episode of M*A*S*H. In this episode, BJ is bored and to entertain himself he cooks up a plan for amusement at Winchester’s expense.

BJ, the prankster, while Winchester is out, takes a pair of his pants and replaces them with a pair several sizes too large. When Winchester changes into them, BJ is there and casually makes a comment that he’s looking sick and that maybe he’s got a virus or worse.

After a while, BJ changes out Winchester’s pants again, this time for a much smaller pair, and when Winchester puts on this pair, BJ is quick to comment on how much weight Winchester has gained which sends the vain Winchester into a frenzy, prompting him to go on a strict diet.

Having observed this all, Hawkeye asks BJ, “What’s next?”

To which BJ responds, “Tomorrow he gets taller.”

BJ’s prank is a perfect illustration of gaslighting. He, of course, was engaged in a harmless prank. Yet gaslighting has a very nefarious potential. And the main reason I’m writing about it is so that if you find yourself at the receiving end of this technique, you’ll know how to protect yourself.

As with all the techniques I teach, I want to emphasize that these strategies are incredibly powerful and are developed to help with persuasion and should be used ethically with your prospects.

The term gaslighting came from the 1944 film of the same name and came to be defined as the ruthless manipulation of a person into believing something that isn’t true.

The plot of ‘Gaslighting’ involves a husband who wants his wife out of the way. He goes about this by trying to make her seem insane, which in those days resulted in an extended stay in a mental institution. He manipulated her into doubting her sense of reality.

Understanding and influencing how your affluent prospect interprets their reality is an integral part of persuasion.

The technique of gaslighting has five main strategies.

The first way to employ this strategy is through the use of repetitive questioning. When you do this, you plant seeds of doubt in the mind of the person you’re trying to influence.

You can see this tactic used on game shows, where the host will ask the contestant, “Are you sure? How sure are you? Is this your final answer?” This supposedly (though I can’t see it) raises the level of anticipation and sometimes causes the contestant to doubt themselves.

This can be accomplished without even speaking. Picture someone cocking their head, raising their eyebrow. This can install in the receiver that doubt putting them off guard.

It works all the better if you come off as having their best interest in mind.

The second step in this strategy is to point out things that aren’t there.

By using this strategy, you’re undermining a sense of reality. Conversely it can be used to point out qualities and assets in a person who has no idea that these qualities exist within them (especially if they don’t exist within them).

Appealing to someone’s sense of ego and vanity is one way to use this. Think of former bosses or clients or prospects or authority figures, whose egos needed massaging. This is a form of gaslighting.

If the ego massage is completely without merit and the compliments are baseless, then you’ll most likely be discovered. Use subtlety with tiny portions of reality.

Strategy number three is primarily for the use of experts–someone who has specialized knowledge or divine access to information which you haven’t the ‘connections’ to learn. . .i.e. think therapist, minister, psychics. They have very esoteric, mysterious or specialized knowledge that will give you the answer you seek. Rather, the answer that they wish for you to believe you seek.

This phenomenon causes the client to lower defenses and be more trusting and dependent. This may be part of the reason patients sometimes develop crushes on their therapists.

Strategy number four is to reveal the secret thoughts of others.

Another term for this: gossip. But it’s a specialized gossip, maneuvering the person in an attempt to give them ‘insight’ or a heads up about what others are saying and thereby establishing you as the one who cares enough to know the truth in driving a wedge between them and the others you name.

It helps to install positive behavior. Encouragement and praise are more powerful than derision and destruction.

The final strategy employed in gaslighting is to use the mighty power of the many against the fragile power of the one.

This is used by kids in the schoolyard, politicians, religious leaders, in the media, military and educational system. It’s basically an adult version ‘ganging up’.

It’s a group think straight out of 1984.

Being ganged up on is not fun. If you stand alone, it’s difficult to maintain your position.

As you can see, gaslighting isn’t necessarily a nice practice. It is designed into trick someone into doubting themselves and their own sanity. But there are ways that gaslighting can be used for a positive outcome. You have to decide whether it’s the right thing to use this technique and when it’s the right time not to use it.

Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of wealthy clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies.

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by Mindmapper
Time management is a subject that has been written about ad infinitum. Yet, still find it difficult to manage time efficiently and struggle to cope with their personal, business and social work and responsibilities. This imbalance of time accorded to different activities continues to be one main factor for causing stress syndromes.

The one most crucial aspect of time management is focusing on the main issues that will lead to achieving your desired goals and ambitions. Normally, we tend to spend a great deal of our time on unimportant issues that we end up spending 80% of our time for achieving 20% results, while giving just 20% of our time for achieving the remaining 80% of the results. This leads to wasteful spending of time and makes goal achievement a Herculean task. .

The first step for time management is splitting the most important from the unimportant and devoting your time and attention to the important issues, while delegating activities of less importance. One way is to maintain an activity logbook to examine time spent on different activities of the day, including time spent on errands, talking over the phone, reading paper, TV, etc. Your log book at the end of the day will reveal where you are wasting unnecessary time and where you need allocate more time for achieving your main goals.

‘Action Plan’ and ‘To Do List’ are renowned methods of time management. Apart from these, you can use Mindmapping to help manage time at every step in the process. Be it Action Plan, or To Do List, or Activity Log book or even Goal setting, Mind Maps are an excellent device for efficient use of your time and for attaining your larger goals.

Mind Maps offers a broad picture of your various activities and helps to keep you on course. While the other time management methods just lists activities needed to complete, Mind Maps you go beyond the mundane as it presents your larger goals and help to keep you in perspective and motivated. This kindles actions and leads to greater efficiency and application. Therein lies its efficacy and viability.

By bringing all the elements of your short, medium and long-term goals into a single Mind Map, it offers a comprehensive picture of the different levels of your activities. It helps you to see the relation between your different tasks and provides meaning and impetus to achieve your goals. It is a meaningful exercise that lends depth and action. It is an effective tool for increasing your efficiency and is a simple device for achieving your ambitions.

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by Andrew Chan
Is time management such a big deal? Most people will think this is a boring topic to talk about, and I feel the same. The million dollar question then is, why bother talking about it at all then?

For a very simple reason, time management is about getting more value out of your time and using it to improve the quality of your life. It is more than just managing our time; it is managing about one’s life in relation to time. This is a skill few people master, but it is one that most people need badly. Without mastery of time, one will find success very elusive. Time management is really activity management. In my opinion, this is life management. In reality, it if you really think about it, wasting time equates to wasting one’s life.

Effective time management is the basis of good personal and professional habits. It is a conscious decision where we decide what is important and then plan our time and our lives around these things. In a profession that requires you to juggle so many tasks and responsibilities every day, effective time management is absolutely critical to your success. Everyone starts the day with 24 hours, no more and no less. How much we achieve within these 24 hours depends on how well we manage what is important to us i.e. our priorities. This could be in the areas on financial, family, physical fitness, social interaction etc.

An important consideration for effective time management is finding regular times in your day when you can work uninterrupted. Do remember that perfect time management is not a realistic expectation. Effective time management requires us to actively clarify our priorities. This brings about peace and balance to your life. It is not necessarily about working “harder”, but rather, “smarter”. It is about getting yourself organized and being aware of what is important to your life. It is simply based on an attitude and the choices you make.

For the majority of the population, poor time management is often the main hurdle to their success in life. Ineffective time management is mostly due to the wrong beliefs and the attitude taken by the individual. No matter what your definition of success is, time management is at its core. Time has never stood still for anyone, and never will. This means effective use of time is absolutely essential. This is one of those things we would all like to master; and really use the hours in our days more efficiently. It is not impossible - but it does take time to really get the hang of it.

To conclude this article , here is a principle you can use for effective time management… Seize the Day! - “Carpe Diem”!

Checking out for information and tips for great use of time? Go check out our site on simple financial planning where you can find resources on use of time and more. Grab the free ebook while you are there!

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by Aazdak Alisimo
Regardless of religious beliefs or views, it is hard to find anyone that does not find the Dali Lama reverent. Here are 15 nuggets of truth he has uttered over the years. Regardless of when they were stated, they still apply today.

1. Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned.

2. I myself feel, and also tell other Buddhists that the question of Nirvana will come later. There is not much hurry. If in day to day life you lead a good life, honesty, with love, with compassion, with less selfishness, then automatically it will lead to Nirvana.

3. We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.

4. I pray for a more friendly, more caring, and more understanding human family on this planet. To all who dislike suffering, who cherish lasting happiness, this is my heartfelt appeal.

5. With realization of one’s own potential and self confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.

6. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

7. Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.

8. My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

9. We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.

10. True compassion is universal in scope. It is accompanied by a feeling of responsibility.

11. Under the bright sun, many of us are gathered together with different languages, different styles of dress, even different faiths. However, all of us are the same in being humans, and we all uniquely have the thought of I, and were all the same in wanting happiness and in wanting to avoid suffering.

12. We must recognise that the suffering of one person or one nation is the suffering of humanity. That the happiness of one person or nation is the happiness of humanity.

13. For those who may not find happiness to exercise religious faith, it’s okay to remain a radical atheist, it’s absolutely an individual right, but the important thing is with a compassionate heart then no problem.

14. All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness … the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.

15. Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.

Many religious and philosophical figures are considered controversial. By accepting all religions and all views, the Dali Lama appears to transcend such concerns. Give some thought to his views above and how they might improve your life.

Read more dahli lama quotes at DahliLamaQuotesDaily.com.

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by Toby Smith
Are you working efficiently and effectively? Do you have many productive hours of work or are you constantly distracted? In this article we give you a number of time management tips to help you organize your office time more efficiently and get more out of your work day.

Office Time Management Tips

1. Get a Secretary or Answering Machine to Take Phone Messages

Instead of constantly being distracted by telephone calls get a secretary or answering machine to take messages for you, then set aside time each day to focus on returning calls. By separating work and phone calls you will be able to focus more clearly on each task and get more out of your time. Effective office time management means that you need to focus on the task at hand and so an important time management tip is to do whatever you can to minimize distractions, such as the phone and email.

2. Set aside a Time to Answer Emails

Emails are another thing which affects effective office time management and can constantly distract you from focusing on the task at hand. A time management tip to deal with this problem is therefore to set aside time each day to deal with your emails and then for the rest of the day turn off your email program, or at least turn off instant notifications of emails.

3. Create a To-Do List the Day Before

To-do lists are often listed as a time management tip. Effective office time management means that before you leave the office each day prepare a to-do list for the following day and prioritize it, that way as soon as you come into the office in the morning you know what you need to focus your attention on.

4. Complete the Major Tasks First

Start your day with one of the big, important tasks and then go onto smaller and less important tasks. By first focusing on the large tasks you will get them complete in a shorter space of time and then will be able to deal with smaller tasks, whereas if you start with the smaller tasks you will soon find them filling up your day and not having time left to do the larger tasks.

5. Do Tasks that Take Less Than 5 Minutes Immediately

Effective office time management means that if you have a task you need to do that is going to take a few minutes to complete then do it as soon as you receive it, this way you will get the small things out of the way and not need to think about them.

6. Keep your Desk and Office Organized

A major cause of ineffective time management is disorganization. Keep your desk and office organized, keep everything on hand and keep things in the place you have assigned them and you will never waste time searching for the things you need or have important items go missing.

7. Prioritize

Setting priorities is vital for effective office time management. An important time management tip is therefore that you should know both on a long term and daily basis what your priorities are and should prioritize your long term goals as well as your daily to-do list.

8. Delegate

Delegation is another useful tool for effective office time management. You do not need to do everything yourself; if you find a task that someone would be able to do as well as you or even better then delegate that task to that person. Delegation does not only need to take place at work but can also take place at home.

9. Set SMART goals

Another important time management tip is to set SMART goals. SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, rewarding and timely. By setting SMART goals you know what you are working towards, have a way of measuring when it has been successfully completed and know when you want to complete it by. SMART goals are useful in showing you what steps you need to take in order to fulfill your dreams.

10. Choose Technology Carefully

Technology can either be useful for improving effective office time management or it can hinder effective time management. Our last time management tip is therefore to be careful when choosing the technology you use to ensure that it really does improve your productivity and efficiency and not harm it.

Effective office time management means setting SMART goals, prioritizing, focusing, and using technology that improves effective time management instead of hindering it. By implementing these time management tips you should be better able to manage your time effectively and get more out of your work day.

Manage your todo list. Get JetTask task list software from JetTask.com.

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by Toby Smith
Do you constantly find yourself running out of time? Do you get everything done that you want to each day or do you find yourself with more activities then you are able to handle? If you can relate to these problems then you need some time management strategies for getting organized.

Know what you want

Before implementing any other time management strategies for getting organized you need to know what you want. If you have no goals and do not know what you actually want to achieve with the time you have been given then you will find yourself saying “yes” to everything, even where you should be saying “no”. Knowing what you want to achieve keeps you disciplined in your time management.

Write down your Goals

In order to implement time management strategies you need to know what you want, but even people who know what they want do not always manage their time effectively. Strategies for getting organized also include writing down those goals. Take some time to write down what you want to achieve in life. What is it that you want people to say about you when you reach the end of your life? What dreams do you want to fulfill? Write them down and then set goals which say when you want to have achieved them by and how you are going to go about achieving them.

Prioritize

What are your priorities? When implementing time management strategies for getting organized you are going to need to think carefully about what is most important to you. Many possible activities will come your way each and every day and if you do not know what your priorities are then you may find yourself doing all the trivial things rather than those things that are really important for achieving your goals. Priorities should be worked out regularly with the help of a to-do list.

Create a To-Do List

Goals are extremely important in effective time management strategies but they can also be long term and if you do not have other strategies for getting organized then you may not accomplish those goals. Create a to-do list regularly and order it in terms of your priorities. Then you will have a workable plan for achieving your goals and can systematically work through your to-do list, accomplishing those things that are most important to you.

Categorize your activities

When looking at all the activities which occupy your day try to break them down into a number of categories. This categorization needs to be done on two levels. Firstly work out what activities you need to do, what activities you can delegate to others, and what activities are actually not important to be done at all. Delegate those activities that can be delegated, cut out the unimportant activities and then re-categorize the activities that only you can do and that are important for you to do. You may want to categorize this list into categories such as work, family, social, physical (health), spiritual, etc.

Use a Weekly Planner

Once you have categorized your activities the last of our time management strategies for getting organized is to use a weekly planner. Block out times on your weekly planner when you can do those activities that you need to and that you categorized above. Use different colors for different activity categories. Take time regularly to fill in your weekly planner and then review it daily to ensure that you do not miss any important events and that you stick to your goals.

Don’t Procrastinate

One of the worst enemies of effective time management is procrastination. It is important that you start implementing these time management strategies for getting organized today. If you wait until tomorrow, you may never put them into practice so start today.

In conclusion, effective time management begins with strategies for getting organized such as knowing what you want, writing down your goals, prioritizing your to-do list, categorizing your activities and using a weekly planner. These time management strategies should be implemented regularly and begun immediately to ensure that you reach your goals and accomplish all that you want to with your life.

Manage your todo list. Get JetTask task list software from JetTask.com.

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by Andrew John…
One of the best thing a mother can do is to stay home with kids. The bad thing is that most families now require both husband and wife to work in order to keep the family budget intact. It’s not surprising that working at home is becoming more and more popular among young mothers willing to stay close to their children while still working. They hope working at home to be the solution to all their problems. Truth is, it can solve them, but not until one catches the basics of time management.

Your Work Schedule

Creating a work schedule for each day separately is a great way to organize your work and other duties with only minimal thinking. Without a schedule you will forget about things every so often and as the result, you will become more and more stressed. How to make an effective work-at-home mom schedule? See the tips below.

1) Never forget about your husband! If you concentrate on work and children alone, this may have a severe negative effect on your marriage. Allow some evening and night every week for your spouse alone. 2) Use different colors to mark work-, children- and spouse-related activities every day. It will let you check real time how much time you spend on them. 3) Involve children in household issues. Ask them to help you clean, wash dishes and cook. This can give you an extra hour every day - at least!

Tip #2: Multitask

Any work-at-home mother soon finds out that she is up to her eyes at work. However, working at home gives you also the possibility to greatly reduce the amount of time needed to do everything. It is multi-tasking - doing two or three things at the same time. For example, you can respond to emails while doing laundry or helping your children doing their homework while waiting for a phone call. Remember: every hour less at work is an hour more for your family.

How to multitask in practice? It’s simple. For instance, you can review emails while cooking lunch for the kids. It’ll give you 10-15 minutes extra every day. You can also do the cleaning while being on the phone. Saves between 10 and 30 minutes every day. You can also make a list of things to do when you’re out, so you don’t forget something when you’re out. Depending on the kind of your business, this may save you between 15 minutes to 5-6 hours a week.

Another great idea for work-at-home moms is to employ a timer. When the time for you work is over, simply cease working and create schedule for tomorrow adding to it all tasks you failed to do today. While you may feel that it only postpones your problems, this allows you to avoid spending nights at work and keep you in prime condition all the time. In the long run such attitude always pays off.

Want to know more about how to start your own home based business or work at home opportunity? Yes. Click one of the above links for more info.

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by Kenrick Cleveland
Language is an art. Persuasion is too. Of course, both can also be mangled. As with any art, most likely you’ll have to practice to be good with language and subsequently, persuasion.

As we gear ourselves toward persuading the affluent, using language and speaking powerfully will serve us well.

The more you read, the bigger your vocabulary.

But having a huge vocabulary is only one part of speaking well. The act of oration is an entirely different set of skills.

One of the biggest fears people face, is the fear of public speaking. And if you can get over that, the next step is having something of interest to say.

And once you get over the fear of speaking and have something to say of importance or interest, then there’s the next obstacle. . . the delivery.

My transcriptionist tells me I say ‘In other words’ a lot. I believe I do this for two reasons.

I do this in part because I want to be fully understood.

I also do this because I don’t use the filler words ‘um’ or ‘uh’ and ‘in other words’ is taking the place of that in my language patterns.

There’s a great new book out called ‘Um. . . Slips, Stumbles and Verbal Blunders and What They Mean’ by Michael Erard. One of the most interesting things I’ve read so far in ‘Um. . .’ is that this is a universal. All languages have their own version of ‘um’ (in Spain it’s ‘eh’, in France ‘euh’) and the use of this filler has been around since at least as far back as the Ancient Egyptians and Greeks.

Since the advent of television and radio ‘um’ has been thought of something we need to extinguish from usage. Instead of verbal filler, it has wrongly become an sign of a lack of verbal polish.

‘Um. . .’ starts out in the offices of the Federal News Service. This is where the transcriptionists type out the news, political speeches, etc., that is ‘of record’ and appears as closed captions for hearing impaired.

The FNS transcriptionists have style guidelines to follow when transcribing the news. Um, uh, ah, and er are never included, nor are false starts of one or two words or partial words. The exception to the rule is that policymakers are transcribed verbatim, ums, ers, ahs, slips, blunders, etc.

I couldn’t help myself. I skipped ahead and read the chapter on George W. Bush. And while it’s not as funny as ‘Bushisms’ it is quite an interesting take on perception and how people view him as a result of his “disfluencies”.

The perception of the president’s misuse of language is as polarized as the general perception of him. Some seem to think his linguistic mistakes make him more down to earth or one of the people while others point to them as further evidence of a disconnect with reality or lack of preparedness and intelligence.

No matter what you think of the man, you’ve got to admit some of his blunders have been really funny.

My suggestion this week: pay attention to the way you talk. See how many ums, uhs, false starts, stumbles, gaffes and blunders you make verbally.

Language is a critical part of persuasion and the ums, uhs, and other fillers ’say something’ to your prospect when you speak. Keep that in mind when you are persuading the affluent.

Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of affluent prospects using persuasion. He runs unique public and private seminars and offers home study courses, audio/visual learning tools, and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.

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by
Maintaining a good academic performance takes a lot of work to do. You have to juggle different requirements — the quizzes, exams, projects, etc. There are also extra-curricular activities and out-of-school activities plus your personal life and social life. So how will you maintain that excellent academic performance? It is said that it takes a lot of skills to have a better academic performance. These are note-taking skills, listening skills, studying skills and time management skills.

Time management skill is one of the predictors of better academic performance and some study supported it. A study shows that effective time management strategies increase academic performance and achievement especially for college students. Furthermore, another study is conducted to determine which of the two — time management or leisure activities- is effective in lowering the academic stress. The result shows that time management had a greater effect in lowering academic stress than leisure activities. Because of this, students are encouraged to attend seminars about time management and to be provided with a lot of information and training on time management.

Time management can also be applied to all areas of your academic life, in studying, in planning, in making your requirements and in your everyday life as a student.

How you will manage your time in studying for an examination? Here’s how. Avoid cramming. If your exams are in two weeks time, set a schedule for each subject to study, don’t study all subject in just one day. Your brain can’t process all the information in such a rapid rate and you may have difficulty retaining all the information in your memory. Other suggestions in managing your study time are: Study first the subjects which you like least, study during your best time of the day: If you can process more during night, then study during that time. But you have to make sure that you study in a place where there is no distraction or noise.

In accomplishing all the requirements which are usually projects, don’t procrastinate! Procrastinating is waiting to do the task until the last minute. If you have a lot of projects to do, finish first the project with the nearest deadline. Plan and make a schedule on your projects so that they will not pile up.

Also don’t forget that time management includes the fun part. There should have a balance between work and fun. If you are already tired of studying or making projects have a little time off to stretch and reward yourself for what you’ve done. Say for example after finishing an examination, plan with your friends to have an outing! This is a great way to relieve stress and the good thing is that you don’t sacrifice any of your study time because you already planned it. But remember to also say no if someone asks you for fun and you know that it will greatly affect your study time. There is an appropriate time for studying and fun!

Time management shouldn’t be considered a task; take one areas of your school life like studying and apply time management. You don’t have to impose it in yourself in just an instant. This is best effective if it is gradual.

By ensuring that you allotted time for the different aspects of your school life you will surely have a better academic performance. This will also make your school life fun and not a burden because you will be free from stress and pressures.

Jesslyn Reinecke is an avid fan of Time Management Techniques, and runs a resource center on Time Mastery. To learn more about managing your time, visit www.TimeMasteryNow.com

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by Niquenya D. Fulbright, Professional Life Coach
This week I find myself drowning in duties and obligations. I had intended to do quite a few things that have been left to fall to the wayside, so to speak. That’s the thing about intentions. They mean absolutely nothing without action. What can you do to ensure that all of your responsibilities and commitments get attended to? Define your goals, create a plan and stick to it.

This is a lot easier than it actually sounds. I am guilty of not always following through on my intentions but if you are truly dedicated to your goals, then it should not be such a daunting task to get back on track. When you are overwhelmed with tasks or those moments of laziness and irresponsibility come in to steal your thunder, the best thing you can do is to forgive yourself, reassess and recommit.

Forgiveness is essential because it removes all of those negative feelings of guilt and the anxiety that many of us feel behind being a disappointment to ourselves as well as others. Realizing that you are human and can occasionally falter is a healthy approach to any sidetrack. If you find yourself spiraling out of control with a seemingly endless list of to-dos, then perhaps a reassessment is in order. Take the time to reevaluate your priorities. Perhaps there is something you can delegate or drop from your responsibilities altogether. You do not have to do it all. Finally, recommit. Renew your promises to yourself and to those affected by your commitments. This involves acknowledging the problem if there was one and then asserting your faith that you can follow through in the future.

Time does not have to be your enemy. Know your purpose, define goals and plan accordingly to achieve them. Be realistic in your commitments and only accept those tasks that you are able to follow through on. Follow these simple steps you will find that it will be a lot easier to fulfill intentions.

© 2007 All Rights Reserved. Reprint permission granted only with inclusion of the author bylines. Niquenya D. Fulbright is a Chicago area executive life coach, professional speaker and corporate trainer with over 10 years experience specializing in motivating small business owners, entrepreneurs, executives, groups and individuals in a career or life transition to use their innate abilities to master their goals and achieve successes beyond their wildest dreams. http://www.niquenyafulbright.com

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